open your eyes

i am a year older...

2010-01-25T09:38:54Z

...and also, i feel in my bones, a bit wiser. lots to do this year. xo.

france

2009-12-01T01:57:50Z

i am going to visit the place where much of my family comes from, FRANCE! very soon!!!

it's going to be a completely modest vacation and it will be something both m and i want. we're both going for the art, architecture, and cultural experience. we're not going shopping, we don't have money for that and our personalities aren't the type. we booked our tickets and our nice little hotel.

expect great stories, photos, and photobooth strips. any good booths to hit in paris?

i am excited. i've wanted this since i was very young.

of course after this, we will go nowhere for awhile. even though it's cheap, it's expensive for us.
i think it's worth the sacrifices though :)

xo. c

sunshine and cold air

2009-11-04T05:52:08Z

today i took a glorious nap. you know the kind where you feel like you're floating on a cloud and your whole body is warm and weightless and still. and you feel like you could just stay that way forever? and on top of all that, your beautiful cat curls up with you and snuggles into your side. wonderful wonderful :)

we had the worst halloween ever, but i made some great lino-print cards. when i post them on my site, i'll link from here!

i've been really busy lately, a little less wah-wah, a little more kicking-freelance-butt :)

summer was excellent.

december holds a trip home for m and i.

february could hold bad news, but we're hoping for the best.

may holds spring and a trip to paris and feverish museum oogling if we can save enough through the winter.

that's all for now.

this must be what recovering alcoholics go through

2009-07-02T21:29:10Z

only i'm giving up distrust, hatred and fear.

the first person i ever hated, i don't hate them anymore. even so, i try to discuss these things with them, thinking it will unlock some magical door to a passage i cannot see from here. but nothing translates.

tonight i will make little paper collages of different texture and color. and i will listen to 'til tuesday.

healing

2009-06-29T21:43:36Z

he's almost healed and so am i. it's totally fucking amazing.

dropsofink @ 2009-06-18T13:40:00

2009-06-18T21:00:19Z

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
Sail away, kill off the hours
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, find you a lover
Go away somewhere all bright and new
I have seen no other
Who compares with you

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, go find a lover
Run away, let your heart be your guide
You deserve the deepest of cover
You belong in that home by and by

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worries
You belong somewhere you feel free
You belong somewhere you feel free

progress so far!

2009-05-29T20:43:46Z

X = done
/ = in progress!

X1. get an exercise program thats steady
X2. learn to make sushi
X3. visit europe
4. be vegan for a month
5. find out my bloodtype
6. run a marathon
7. swing dance at least once a week
8. join the roller derby
X9. sell a piece of art
10. buy more art
1. visit new york city
2. start a chick-punk-rock band
3. build on my tattoo
X4. be in the air guitar world championship
5. go to every major music festival in a year
6. go skydiving
7. make my wall into a projector screen and watch groundbreaking films
8. get a tv soley to watch saturday morning cartoons
9. go spend a week with my grandparents (both sets)
10. buy a house in nw portland
1. get married when it's right
2. start a freelance photography service
3. ride my bike to washington
4. start an installation project that raises homeless awareness
X5. make ampersand pancakes
6. learn to breakdance
X7. get a playmate for caly
8. visit every art museum in the pacific northwest
9. contribute to cancer research funds
10. buy a photobooth
1. not need caffeine for three months
2. be financially stable
3. build furniture again from scratch
X4. volunteer to help the homeless
5. create an unbreakable "me" day
6. work at a record store for a year
X7. finsh building my website
8. stop worrying so much
X9. meditate daily
X10. be free of cancerous cells
1. learn mandarin, and maybe one other language
2. brush up on my french
3. sleep on the beach for a week
4. finish a heartbreaking work of staggering genius
5. read a book a month
X6. take a cooking class
/7. master tai chi
8. take another drawing class
9. take another sculpture class
10. learn lithography
X1. learn to screen print
X2. ride in the bridge pedal
3. finish writing my book
X4. learn flash and dreamweaver better
5. not allow myself to get hurt
6. share my poems at open mics again
7. learn to skateboard
8. learn to surf
9. go snorkling again
10. scuba dive with sharks
/1. visit paris with close friends-- and eat crepes
X2. start a company
3. take a nothing day once a week
X4. be on time for EVERYTHING for a month
5. give up the internet for a month
6. not be depressed at all
7. deal with all of my anxiety, really deal with it
8. take some art school classes
9. have my work in another museum show
10. make coffee in the morning
X1. subscribe to the newspaper
X2. get a roommate
3. run at the track once a week
4. live on the coast eventually
X5. upload more photos to my flickr
6. visit south america next year
7. go camping on the columbia gorge
X8. make a pizza from scratch
9. learn to mix music
10. get a sewing machine and make my own clothes and clothes for my kids if i have any
1. play hide and seek in the metropolitan museum of art
2. spend a day in the louvre
3. ride the world's tallest rollercoaster 10 times in a row
X4. work a letterpress
X5. put the past behind me
6. write one freelance art piece a year
7. grow my own vegetables
8. take a bartending class
9. learn to blow glass
10. own a typewriter
/1. own a wok and an orange juicer to have dinner and breakfast parties
2. make one new friend a month
/3. drink 8 glasses of water a day
4. learn to play bass well
/5. understand love
/6. learn to like myself
7. become friends with my neighbors
X8. visit the oregon coast, swim in the pacific
9. fly a kite

i feel better now

2009-05-19T17:20:56Z

the netherlands and scandinavia were wonderful.

we made some new friends.
we saw some beautiful things.
and we held on to each other.

xo.

don't really know what to say.

2009-03-25T07:00:07Z

it's march. and i'm so very tired. some days i love the world. other days, the kind of people in it, and their needs and ways make me so very sick.

guess i'm glad this point of view is only temporary. maybe i'll come back as someone who doesn't care so much next time.

i'm going abroad soon, in hopes that my trip there will restore my faith in people.
cheers.

dear joker,

2009-02-04T22:19:52Z

i find myself, like the victims, starting to care for a moment sometimes.
i'd like to help but then i have to realize,
if i help, i'm not giving you a reason to change your ways.
then i make myself into a villain.
i can't do that.
make some smart choices, stop making your problems other people's problems.
start looking for jobs you can actually do. go, there, get back on your feet.
instead of picking a location with a dead end, pick a path that leads somewhere better.

grow the fuck up. seriously. we all have problems.
xo. batman

dropsofink @ 2009-02-02T02:27:00

2009-02-02T10:25:05Z

You better watch what you say
You better watch what you do to me
Dont get carried away

dropsofink @ 2009-01-27T03:18:00

2009-01-27T11:15:27Z

bitches need to get a life. that is all. xo.

p.s.-- also, i am one year older.

dropsofink @ 2009-01-10T01:18:00

2009-01-10T09:14:01Z

Jesus, don't cry
You can rely on me, honey
You can combine anything you want
I'll be around
You were right about the stars
Each one is a setting sun

Tall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad sad songs
tuned to chords
Strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit around

Don't cry
You can rely on me honey
You can come by any time you want
I'll be around
You were right about the stars
Each one is a setting sun

Tall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad sad songs
tuned to chords
Strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit around

Voices whine
Skyscrapers are scraping together
Your voice is smoking
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around

love actually

2008-12-27T20:57:28Z

is all around.

this is better on vinyl than in print

2008-11-10T10:35:57Z

Our one source of energy
The ultimate discovery
Electric blue for me
Never more to be free
Electricity
Nuclear and hep
Carbon fuels from the sea
Wasted electricity

Our one source of energy
Electricity
All we need to live today
A gift for man to throw away
The chance to change has nearly gone
The alternative is only one
The final source of energy
Solar electricity

Electricity
Electricity
Electricity
Electricity
Electricity
E . . .

---
tomorrow's topic of discussion will be anger, and how to let it go.

meditation

2008-11-05T23:04:45Z

feels good to do it again. forgot the benefits.

a change gonna come, oh yes it will

2008-11-05T10:27:53Z

sam cooke. bob dylan. barack obama.

milestone words for milestone days.
so much hope for this country :)

honestly in years, i have never had so much hope or felt so confident in a candidate.
living far away from my conservative family also helps me, or someone ramming whatever their beliefs are down my throat. gives me complete freedom to think clearly.

very thankful for today.

and as always, great to be in the newsroom. great to be a part of the moment :)

S.O.S.!!!!!!!!

2008-10-23T00:05:43Z

if someone gives someone else a car, but does not sign over the title
and then the person who is now in possession of the car runs a red light and gets a ticket

who has to pay the ticket??

the county of santa monica says the owner does. but i disagree. AND i also think it's a total fucking injustice.
think they might change their minds???

is it really so strange?

2008-10-20T07:13:51Z

phrase most often heard in the past year: "why can't everything just be okay for a minute?"

to all my colleagues in print work, i sure hope so. and i'm sorry this is all happening to us but i hope we can press onward. on with integrity, ingenuity and inspiration. it's gotta get worse before it gets better, right?

needs vs. wants

2008-10-15T19:22:12Z

raincoats
convertibles
sunburns
phone calls
wind
sun
snow angels

feeling is much more than satisfaction.
satisfaction is an abstract, but something real makes us feel alive.

it's ok to try to be happy even if others aren't

2008-10-10T20:46:16Z

he said.

and he has no job.
his sister is dying.
and he's scared.
and there were tears.
and i could hear him smiling too.
for me.

--
things are pretty good. new digs are sweet. cats have more space. still not unpacked. m and i take turns cleaning things and cooking. i get up early to see him off to work and he stays up late to make sure i get home ok. and it's cold out. late at night we hold eachother, keep warm and fight evildoers. and it's love.

we want to be happy. we are. then the world finds a way to meddle. i think we're trying to figure out what happiness means, and then search and destroy whatever the kryptonite may be.

i was angry a few days ago. but that time has passed. i am feeling better. although distraught that i can't change the villain for the better. i am batman. she is the joker. and the joker never changes, because in his/her mind what they are doing is right. and all the alarms and tricks well they just aren't. at some point, batman has to learn to walk away.

my aunt does indeed have lymphoma. she is undergoing chemo. i am hoping she will be ok for awhile, since that's all i can hope for.

everyday is new, right? xo.

tonight i think i'll walk alone, i'll find my soul as i go home

2008-10-05T06:50:10Z

letterpress class was amazing today. first really nice day m and i have had in a while due to all the bullshit going on. he looked really happy like the day we moved to our new place. happy in his own skin. happy to be alive. which is all i ever wanted for him :)

dropsofink @ 2008-10-03T20:49:00

2008-10-04T03:51:40Z

what i am is tired. tired of theatrics and melodrama. so tired of trying to understand something i don't believe in. tired of watching someone i love in pain so often because of a manipulation and him get confused and be okay with it. it's not ok.

i am tired. and i'm not going to take it anymore. and that's that.

dropsofink @ 2008-10-01T23:08:00

2008-10-02T06:06:14Z

my aunt is dying.

my grandmother is dying.

i feel like i am dying.

dropsofink @ 2008-09-24T15:15:00

2008-09-24T22:13:07Z

Crooked spin can't come to rest
I'm damaged bad at best
She'll decide what she wants
I'll probably be the last to know
No-one says until it shows and you see how it is
They want you or they don't
Say yes